Wedding Party Etiquette Q&A (for the Bride and Groom!)

    

     wedding attendants are a wonderful part of the wedding celebration and help share in the joy of your wonderful day, however they can become an added stress as well. Don't let wedding party drama ruin your big day! These Q&A's will help you navigate through the sticky waters of wedding party etiquette.

1. I have wedding attendants coming from out of town, who pays for the hotel rooms?
   Typically it is assumed that a wedding attendant should pay for his or her own accommodations just as he or she would pay for the wedding attire. The same goes for guests, although you can typically reserve a block of rooms at a discounted price. It can be a nice gift from you to them to offer to pay for the room, however you shouldn't be expected to pay.
2. Is it required to give a gift to my attendants?
   It is in no way required for you to give them a gift, however it is certainly the polite thing to do. Remember that your attendants using their time and money to help you celebrate your special day and you are giving them something as a sign of your appreciation, not out of duty : )
3. Who pays for the wedding attendants' attire?
   It is generally understood that wedding participants pay for their own wedding attire, but you should inform your attendants of this responsibility when asking them to be a part of your wedding. If you can afford to pay for the attire, your attendants will greatly appreciate you! But most couples can't afford the added expense and anyone who has gotten married understands that.
4. Is it okay to have an odd number of wedding attendants?
   It's perfectly fine and is more common than not! You don't want to be forced to leave out your college roommate simply because your husband-to-be has chosen his number of attendants already. The only time this will typically cause problems is during the processional and recessional, but it's an easy fix! Simply pair up two bridesmaids with one groomsmen, or vice-verse if need be. It will hardly be noticed by anyone and is a perfectly acceptable arrangement.
5. I have too many friends and family members for everyone to be in the wedding party....what do I do?
   This can be extremely frustrating because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Try choosing the people who you are the closest with and then ask the others to have a special role in your wedding such as a guest book attendant, greeter, usher, etc. If anyone questions your decision, simply explain that you care about them greatly and really wanted them to fill that role for you. They will understand your situation and be grateful to be a part of your big day.
6. Who sits at the head table at the reception and what is the arrangement?
   The head table is generally reserved for the wedding party (bride, groom, and attendants) and can also include the flower girl and ring bearer if the couple chooses to do so. Any other important members of the wedding and dates of the wedding party are typically seated at a guest table close to the head table, possibly even at the parents' table. The seating arrangement is traditionally the best man next the bride and the maid of honor next to the groom and so on. However, it's perfectly acceptable for the girls to sit on one side and the guys to sit on the other.
7. I have a friend who assumed that she is in my wedding party, how do I tell her that she's not?
   This can be a sticky situation since you don't want to hurt the feeling of your friend. Try taking a positive approach and finding another position for her in your wedding, such as guest book attendant, and mention her in the program. Inform her of her true position and she should get the hint that she is not a bridesmaid. If she questions why she was not chosen to be a bridesmaid tell her that you really wanted her for this position because it's important to you. A good friend will understand and not badger you about it.

Exceptional Etiquette for the Rehearsal Dinner

  

   Planning a wedding is stressful enough without adding to it the stress of planning showers, engagement parties, rehearsal dinners and receptions. I’m here to de-bunk some of the myths of rehearsals dinners, and answer some of the most asked questions.

Who pays for the rehearsal dinner?

     In the past, tradition had it that the groom and/or the parents of the groom were always expected to foot the bill for the rehearsal dinner. This was typically the case because the bride’s parents were the ones paying for the wedding and reception. However, today more couples are paying for their own weddings and feel uncomfortable asking parents to pay for such a dinner. In many cases the parents will offer to host a rehearsal dinner for the couple or to split the bill, but if that is not the case the couple will need to budget a rehearsal dinner into their plans.

Who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner?

     While there is some flexibility to this list, any and all people involved in the wedding should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. This would include any grandparents, musicians, officiant, flower girls etc. As for additional people invited, some couples choose to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner as well. However, this is completely up to the discretion of the couple and the people who are paying for the dinner.

We are on a tight budget, is it required to host a rehearsal dinner?

     A rehearsal dinner is typically a thank you for being involved in the wedding and is a courtesy for the wedding party taking the time to be involved in the rehearsal. This also serves as a wonderful way for all wedding participants and family members to become better acquainted. If you are on a tight budget, consider hosting a low-key cookout at your home and making the food yourself. There is no need to have a formal dinner at a restaurant or banquet hall for a rehearsal dinner to be meaningful and memorable. After a busy day rehearsing and with wedding preparations most guests will be grateful for a chance to relax.

Should formal invitations be mailed out for the rehearsal dinner?

     This completely depends on the type of rehearsal dinner you are hosting, whether a sit down dinner or back yard bbq. It is polite to inform your guests of the dinner with some kind of invitation, however if you are simply inviting the wedding party and you feel comfortable doing so, a phone call could suffice as an invite.

When should I invite guests to the rehearsal dinner?

     Guests should be notified of the rehearsal dinner no later than 4-6 weeks before the event, same as wedding invitations. Especially for out of town guests, it can be difficult taking the extra time off of work and arranging travel plans.

Who, if anyone, should give a toast at the rehearsal dinner?

     It is not required to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner if you do not wish, however some sort of short speech or toast is typically given to thank the guests for attending and to wish the bride and groom well. This can either be done by the groom, or by the person hosting the dinner.

What can I do to make my rehearsal dinner memorable?

     There are many simple ways to make a rehearsal dinner memorable such as having a special groom’s cake, inspired by something meaningful to him, made and served as the dessert. Choosing a theme or special décor always promises to surprise and awe guests as well.

When does the rehearsal dinner take place?

     The rehearsal dinner typically takes place immediately following the rehearsal, which is typically held the day before the wedding.

How formal should the rehearsal dinner be?

     The rehearsal dinner can be as formal or as informal as you wish. There is nothing wrong with a formal sit down dinner as there is equally nothing wrong with a poolside pizza party. The choice is completely up to the bride and groom and/or whoever is hosting the dinner.