Exceptional Etiquette for the Rehearsal Dinner

  

   Planning a wedding is stressful enough without adding to it the stress of planning showers, engagement parties, rehearsal dinners and receptions. I’m here to de-bunk some of the myths of rehearsals dinners, and answer some of the most asked questions.

Who pays for the rehearsal dinner?

     In the past, tradition had it that the groom and/or the parents of the groom were always expected to foot the bill for the rehearsal dinner. This was typically the case because the bride’s parents were the ones paying for the wedding and reception. However, today more couples are paying for their own weddings and feel uncomfortable asking parents to pay for such a dinner. In many cases the parents will offer to host a rehearsal dinner for the couple or to split the bill, but if that is not the case the couple will need to budget a rehearsal dinner into their plans.

Who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner?

     While there is some flexibility to this list, any and all people involved in the wedding should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. This would include any grandparents, musicians, officiant, flower girls etc. As for additional people invited, some couples choose to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner as well. However, this is completely up to the discretion of the couple and the people who are paying for the dinner.

We are on a tight budget, is it required to host a rehearsal dinner?

     A rehearsal dinner is typically a thank you for being involved in the wedding and is a courtesy for the wedding party taking the time to be involved in the rehearsal. This also serves as a wonderful way for all wedding participants and family members to become better acquainted. If you are on a tight budget, consider hosting a low-key cookout at your home and making the food yourself. There is no need to have a formal dinner at a restaurant or banquet hall for a rehearsal dinner to be meaningful and memorable. After a busy day rehearsing and with wedding preparations most guests will be grateful for a chance to relax.

Should formal invitations be mailed out for the rehearsal dinner?

     This completely depends on the type of rehearsal dinner you are hosting, whether a sit down dinner or back yard bbq. It is polite to inform your guests of the dinner with some kind of invitation, however if you are simply inviting the wedding party and you feel comfortable doing so, a phone call could suffice as an invite.

When should I invite guests to the rehearsal dinner?

     Guests should be notified of the rehearsal dinner no later than 4-6 weeks before the event, same as wedding invitations. Especially for out of town guests, it can be difficult taking the extra time off of work and arranging travel plans.

Who, if anyone, should give a toast at the rehearsal dinner?

     It is not required to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner if you do not wish, however some sort of short speech or toast is typically given to thank the guests for attending and to wish the bride and groom well. This can either be done by the groom, or by the person hosting the dinner.

What can I do to make my rehearsal dinner memorable?

     There are many simple ways to make a rehearsal dinner memorable such as having a special groom’s cake, inspired by something meaningful to him, made and served as the dessert. Choosing a theme or special décor always promises to surprise and awe guests as well.

When does the rehearsal dinner take place?

     The rehearsal dinner typically takes place immediately following the rehearsal, which is typically held the day before the wedding.

How formal should the rehearsal dinner be?

     The rehearsal dinner can be as formal or as informal as you wish. There is nothing wrong with a formal sit down dinner as there is equally nothing wrong with a poolside pizza party. The choice is completely up to the bride and groom and/or whoever is hosting the dinner.